Love Bingo- Final Cut (Or is it)

Posted on October 14, 2008


Bienvienue my people! (For those of you who are like “huuuuuuh????” this means WELCOME in the language of the pressing moment, le Francias)

Craving some more sweets tonight kiddies?

Then you’ve logged on to the right blog tonight!

I left the last blog entry, as I left PARIS crying my eyes out all the way back to Brooklyn. It was brutal, just brutal. I mean it truly “the best of times, and the worst of times” rolled into one big baguette!

When I got back to Brooklyn, I did my best to hold onto the beauty of Paris, but I did my best to eliminate from my cerebral cortex, the existence of John-Pierre! I had been successful and completelyerasing unwanted memories and people from my brain, but erasing JP was a doosey! But I was semi- successful at it.

As the days turned to weeks, and weeks to months I found myself dating other men, and pursuing a pretty exciting life in Brooklyn! I had safely tucked Paris away in the annals of my brain . It would creep up from time to time because I was still in contact withhis friends, actually one of them came to live with me for a summer. But the floodgates did not come rushing back until just around this time in 2006, I get an email from no one other than JP. Thank goodness for Gmail. I just went back in the archives to cut and paste this baby for your viewing pleasures.

hey nana !
wazzzzzzzz’up girl ?
steel at the top of the pop ?
excuse me to not have answered to you right back, but I was totaly taken by my work…
so YES I’m coming in NYC, from 30 october to 11 november, with one of my band. It’s gonna be WWWIIILLLDDDD as hell’s. It’s gonna be realygood to see you again, and I hope it will have no problem with emigration…
so I’ve got your phone and I’ll catch you soon when I’ll be there.
à bientôt

I think I instantly peed my pants when I saw his name pop up in my inbox. I just knew it was kismet. Even though at the time I had a “boyfriend” that I happened to live with at the time. I put “boyfriend” in quotes because he was a TOTAL alcoholic, coke head, douchbag (unfortunately at the time I was unaware of the drugs and alcohol part of it). I didn’t care about him, I saw this as MY MOMENT! I was going to TELL JP at our reunion in NYC, that I just had to have him! There was no bones about it! I mean when I say I thought this was KISMET, I mean I thought the stars and the universe had answered my prayers and were bringing my love straight to me. I mean the timing was impeccablele  I had fallen in love with him (Part I) in the month of November almost around the same date. I was soooooooo excited, and I was READY to tell that skinny, pale, Frenchman that I LOVED him damn it.


The stage was set. It was HIS BIRTHDAY for crying out loud! The place, was an awesome spot in the meatpacking district called APT. For those who are in NYC and cool enough to get in (the girl at the door will NOT let you in if you are not FABULOUS looking) This place was “our place” when we were dating back in the dayz. It’s the joint!

I just was soo excited! So I looked THE PART, got myself on the subway (I was too broke to afford a car, because I was freelancing at The New York Post and getting paid a whopping $8.00 dollars and HOUR! Yes your eyes aren’t playing tricks on you… 8 LOUSY BUCKS- You would think Rupert Murdock could afford to pay his employees a bit better than that!, but alas that is yet another rant for another blog)

I digress

I get to APT. Throw back a Long Island Ice Tea.. actually probably three of them to get me loosey gooseyand READY for my moment. Before the clock struck 12, I told myself I was going to DO IT! I grabbed JP, threw my arms around his neck, and instead of just being straight to the point, I asked him if he was happy with this chick he was with in France! His answer was so strange but very much JP style (evasive, mysterious, and so very fricking French) said something along the lines of….. “Ohhhhh… Nana….. I don’t want to mess this up”

It was like the DJ skipped the record as time stopped for me. Although he didn’t really answer my question, I was sooooooo dismayed that there was NO WAY in hell I could reply to that answer with “ummmokay, whatever you say John-Pierre… I’m totally in love with you!” I just replied like “Okayyyyyy!!! Well let me get us another drink”. Inside I felt my insides melting… organ…by…organ…! I just wanted to RUN out of there into the oncoming traffic on 9th Ave…. This was NOT the way I had seen it going down in my head! I couldn’t run out of there like I wanted to, because I had to save face. SO I had to wait until the end of the pathetic night, and take the subway BY MYSELF at 4am! That was the most intense subway ride of myself!

I came back to my apartment, my sister anxiously awaiting my arrival. When I came back looking like hell on earth, she knew it hadn’t gone so well! I WAS IN PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!  For the next 2-3 days I laid around looking exactly like this:


It was horrible! I was in the pain. The two songs that sum it up best were…

Talib Kweli feat Jean Grae in “Black Girl Pain. Which was a literal translation to my situation! It doesn’t get any better than that, artistically speaking.

and when you are really feeling the PAIN for love’srejection…… there is nothing better to twist the knife than a little Motown…

SMOKEY ROBINSON is a perfect for that!

Tears of a Clown- because I felt like the world’s BIGGEST FOOL!

and yet another Smokey Classic

TRACKS OF MY TEARS- because I literally could not keep track of the tissues!

 It was my sister who after three days of the whole entire apartment feeling like a death had taken place, who FINALLY slapped me OUT of my funk. I Literally she had to slap me up. But BOY did I deserve it!

In the words of one of my best friends Donald, I had to “CHERISH” the memories.

 In order to move on, I just had too. Although I felt like I should have just told him I loved him regardless of what he said I didn’t. Let bygones be right?

So for two years, that what I did. No word, no communication, and barely NO THOUGHTS of JP….

Until about two weeks ago………………………………………….

Stay Tuned for the newest developments

I know Kids.. I can hardly believe it myself…

Until Next Time….


Night Night